The deaths. The loneliness. The unraveling. The divorce.
The formerly close friends who were silent.
The stream of emails and texts from church folks: “you should end your life” … “disappear forever” … “your children are better off without you.”
My refusal to defend myself in any way that would cast a negative light on anyone else.
The last year has been the unavoidable ending to a nightmare that began in October 2012; all kicked off by the first in a series of seemingly never ending tragedies. I’m not going to rehash all of them.
The father who was there and supported me. The siblings to whom I grew closer. The lifelong friends who stood by me.
The friend from 22 years ago who came seemingly out of nowhere, saw everything, and decided to walk through it with me… which meant exhausting late night phone calls from halfway around the world… pushing me back to a positive place.
The God who showed up in an unmistakable way.
Two weekends ago I took the most amazing children (who also happen to be mine) out to explore our new city: Tampa. It was one of the most fun and relaxing days I’ve had in years. We went to church; the first time I’d been in nearly a year. Last weekend I sat in a restaurant with a friend and watched the sun set over Tampa… nothing hanging over my head, no “other shoe” waiting to drop. It was peaceful.
Those who know me well already know that I don’t rest for very long… but, right now, rest is nice.
I’m done looking back. The rest of 2018 is a time to regroup, refocus, think creatively, and just decompress from the last several years.
It’s time to prepare for something new.